"What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?" - Vincent Van Gogh

I recently was given a ring, inscribed with the words "be brave" on the inside of the band. The giver told me that it was to stand as a reminder to be brave/courageous in everything that I do. While I don't need a ring to be reminded that I should be brave and have the courage to follow through on my goals and my dream. It did make me think about how often I don't do these things because I'm not brave enough to commit/follow through on something, or if I am the fear of not knowing the outcome holds me back. And then I realize that I'm an idiot because it really doesn't matter that I don't know the outcome or that the task at hand might not be a success. It's about trying, trusting, and knowing that with God we'll find the courage to attempt anything that life throws our way.

My life in music

Have you ever noticed that songs have a way of connecting our memories with our heart, our mind and our moods. I'll a little bit in love with music or rather song lyrics as they tend to say what I'm thinking/feeling better than I can at times. That being said, here is my life in music for 2009. And I totally expect you to share yours :)

January : Come Alive - Foo Fighters
February: Keeping Me Guessing - Francesca Battistelli
March: City - Sara Bareilles
April: Nice To Meet You Anyway - Gavin DeGraw
May: Ponytail Parades - Emery
June: Hello - Beyonce
July: Long Shot- Kelly Clarkson
August: I Gotta Feelin - Black Eyed Peas
September: The Scientist - Coldplay
October: I Look So Good (Without You) - Jessie James
November: Playing With My Heart- Kate Voegele
December: Miss Independent - Ne-Yo

Did you know?

- Kelly Clarkson is my go to for pretty much anything. When she doesn't get the job done the Goo Goo Dolls seem to do alright.
- When certain situtations/things can't be changed/ something is up my hair cut and/or color will change without fail.
- My major has changed 3 times.
- I don't know how to have downtime.
-I drink coffee even on the days that it makes me sick.
- I used to want to be a hunter, then my dad told me I talked too much.
-Going to Cambodia was the coolest thing I've ever done.
-There is always time for shopping, sometimes it is just window shopping though.
- I love driving and going on roadtrips, as long as there is good music on the radio.
-My eye color changes with my mood.
-Sarcasm tends to get me into trouble quite often.
- Smiling is my favorite.
-Just because I don't say it doesn't mean I'm not interested.
- There isn't a whole lot that I wouldn't do for my family and friends.
- I'd take tickets to a game over flowers any day.
-3 outfits end up on my floor before I walk out the door in the morning (unless it is a khaki pants/polo shirt day then it's a first try situation)
- I'm going to graduate in May from the one college I said I'd never attend.
- My alarm clock is never set for a normal time ( 5:57 and 6:02 every morning)
- If I ever lost my planner all hell could break lose.
-Baby steps and I don't always mix well.
-I blog everyday, I just don't post them.
- My closet once contained 36 pairs of jeans, it now has 8 pairs in it.
- I'd chose stilettos over safety and comfort most of the time.
- My luck with technology ran out long ago.
- Being driven (or too driven) is my strength and my weakness.
- If it weren't for unlimited texting I might not make it though the workday sometimes.
- I'll be over it (whatever it is) in a day or two.
- I get hiccups all throughout the day, everyday.
- I own more action movies than chick flicks.
- Medical shows are my favorite if I have to watch TV.
- Organized chaos makes life easier.
- I've never known if I was a night owl or a morning person because I stay up late and get up early. And I don't mind either one.
- If I wore everything in my closet I could go 3 weeks without doing laundry.
- Phone calls at 1 am are ridiculous and I love them.
-I read PostSecret every week.
- I have indecisive days, everyday.
-I would rather be around snoty-nosed little kids, than work at a computer any day.
- Running is how I process life, and I hate when it is taken away from me.
- Getting mail makes my day.

figured it was time I wrote something again, so here's the update of my life in list form :)

1. 140 down, 100 to go :D I have finally reached the over half way point on my internship and while I'm pumped that the hours are being logged and I'm nearing the end. I'm a little bit sad about it as well. I've gotten attached to the kids*, (picked my favorites and my least favorites) and I've formed relationships with some of the adult patients.
* I've also had my heart broken by the 5 year old that wanted to be my boyfriend on a Friday and dumped me on a Monday because I cut and dyed my hair over the weekend and the long blonde locks were all gone...

2. Road-tripping has become my favorite way to spend my free time. I just wish it wasn't so expensive, because it adds up after a couple weekend trips in a row.
-North Carolina/South Carolina/Tennessee (fall break)- Wedding madness continues in my life, once again. So I headed down South for Emilee's wedding to do a little updo hair-styling and enjoy the mountains and sunshine at the same time. broke the transmission in the "Carolina cruiser" on the way there, rented a new car, did some shopping, killed some time with pointless texting, got to visit some old family friends/ receive a housing offer for grad school and had "uncle Steve" try to set me up with his son... all in all I'd call it a success
-Indy Weekend- Driving for 3.5 hours with Brin and Brody can be a little insane. Turns out my babies travel with more luggage/crap than I do and but they love being in the car/ helping me drive. Spent some quality time with my seester, got hit on at B-dubs by waiters and pirates, carved a pumpkin, had a photo shoot, made some new friends, captured a fake proposal on the monument at circle center, experienced the most awkward dinner with 11 other people ever, learned new ways to pick someone up using a sugar packet, detoured to IWU, and experienced the insanity of Halloween in the city...
-Nashville (on Friday) finally following up on a promise made freshman year :)

3. I recently learned that I do indeed have the ability to sleep. I've earned the nickname "grandma" at my house since I go to bed around 10 everynight (and have to force myself to stay awake until then) so that I can get up at 5:45/6:00 to get ready for the internship or for work. Naptime has also become a favorite way to spend my time and/or my lunch break. I once knocked a friends idea to sleep in the car during lunch but it turns out he may have had a good thing going.

4. Senior seminar makes me feel like I'm back in high school again, creating a waste of time senior portfolio all over again. Except this little electronic portfolio is almost like my resume/ check out all my sweet research/experience in 8 short, sweet, and very exciting slides. Presenting it to my class and the department was only a little bit stressful... on the brightside I am basically done with that class and only have to focus on Old Testament from here on out. And a beautiful paper for my internship but I'll cross that bridge after I observe 100 more hours.

5. I'm in serious need to a job where I can work more than 10 hours a week. Not that I don't love my current job but I need something else so that I can pay bills, put gas in the car, and buy groceries. (Rice milk, fruit, veggies, and ground turkey isn't all that cheap)

6. Just because the knee surgeon clears you for running doesn't mean you should jump back into the old routine... I didn't really start up with a crazy long run just tried to ease my way back into it but at mile 3 I had not 1 but 2 knee caps that were located in the wrong place... and back the the Doctor I go :)

First date do's/dont's

So sometimes at my internship we have really awesome/strange/random conversations and this would be what we talked about today...

• Tardiness/ late policy -- If you show up late for the date there had better be a d*** good excuse or some very nice flowers, and even then we reserve the right to not accept either option.
• Q & A -- Don't type/ make a list of things you'd like to know/learn about the person. Awkward first date questions are a given, they go with the territory but for real let's not make the Q & A session anymore painful...
• What type of date/when--Lunch dates aren't a good option because they limit you. (Chances are you're on a lunch break and you've got like an hour tops so that's no good...) Dinner is always a good option as is coffee or a combination of the two. Just avoid the movies because it won't let you do a lot other than sit in silence or well you get the idea...
• Co-workers/office mates/ building buddies... all of the above are a no-go on the dating front. That whole mixing business/ pleasure gets complicated fast because if/when it doesn't work out it creates an awkward work environment.
• End of the date protocol -- You have to close the date somehow, just standing there is awkward and walking away pretty much says " well thanks this was nice but let's not do it ever again..." a handshake is forbidden - it's like saying the date was a business transaction and well that's great if you're co-workers but that isn't allowed so... that leaves us with the hug, sidehug, kiss on the cheek, or legit kiss options so it's up to you to decide just do something...

I just want to blink and be where you are tonight.

Dating 101

Compliments of one of my patients at my internship.



Rule #1 - "If he's not asking to be your boyfriend, he's clearly not interested. So move on. "
This is really the only thing you need to know, because if he is interested you've got yourself a man. If not you move on and find a new one.


On the days where I'm not being mistaken as a 16 year old, many of my older patients (older as in my non pediatric patients) like to ask me questions about my love life. It's a great way to take 30-60 minutes of a therapy session and turn it into a rather hilarious or awkward situation. Some try to hook me up with their kids or their nephews. Others point out patients working out in the gym as people I should look into, and some suggest themselves.

4 1/2 inches of hair on the floor later i found some of the change i was looking for. well that paired with some lowlights and highlights. and these lovely little size 14 plugs that are currently being jabbed into my ears. ouch.

Let's disect my love life.

I'm getting a phone at work. It's not really mine per say but I'm the only student worker that gets to use it, so technically I guess you could say that it is mine :) Anyways after meeting with my supervisor and the boss to work out the details I managed to start up a conversation about long distance phone calls. Which somehow started a conversation about my boyfriend. (Say what?!?!?!) Apparently I have to be careful about placing long distance phone calls to said boyfriend who is currently living in Uganda. (If you are confused at the moment, bear with me, I was feeling the same way during the conversation) So being my whitty self I replied with a "Dang it! I hate when I'm in relationships that I don't even know about." My boss and supervisor start cracking up and just look at me like, well you get the idea. It was a look, a very strange look. So my boss decides to tell me that I might have better luck with relationships if I start to acknowledge that they exist. In fact it would solve my relationship problems, commitment is much easier when you actually commit to someone.

Have I mentioned how much I love my job/the people I work with and their ability to disect my love life/lack there of and tease me about it at the same time. :)

Will bake cookies for football tickets...

It's starting to feel like fall which means that a number of amazing/my favorite things are about to happen.

football season/football dates.
bonfires.
moving back to school.
perfect morning runs (this may or may not happen depending on my next knee appt.)
the sound of leaves crunching under your feet.
jeans, sweatshirts, and flipflops.
carmel apple cider.
kelly clarkson in concert :D
road trips.
breaking in my new planner. (don't judge but i get very excited about this)

Life somehow seems okay when there is a cup of coffee in hand and coldplay is softly playing across my iPod speakers.

Lets cast a LOVE SPELL?!?

So I walked into work today and into my office. After setting down my purse and starting up my computer I looked to my right only to discover that there was a bottle of Victoria's Secret Love Spell Lotion on my desk. Slightly confused as to how and/or why the bottle was there I looked around and then decided to ask where it had come from. A little voice from across the cubile wall informed me that "the office just wants to help you find a man. you know, cast a little "love spell" and maybe find love in the office building or somewhere else on campus."

AWESOME.

Summer Playlist #2 - The Maybe(Not) Edition

Next In Line- Meese
Wanted- Jesse James
Fallin' for You- Colbie Caillat
Playing With My Heart- Kate Voegele
I Don't Want to Know- Goo Goo Dolls
Long Shot- Kelly Clarkson
Absolute- The Fray
Fearless- Taylor Swift
Miss Independent- Ne-Yo
Follow Through Gavin DeGraw
I Won't Disagree- Kate Voegele
Yeah- Kelly Clarkson
Crush- David Archuleta
Iris- Goo Goo Dolls
Ready- Kelly Clarkson
Fire & Rain- Mat Kearney
Hello- Beyonce
Already Gone- Crossfade
Nice to Meet You Anyway- Gavin DeGraw
Walk Away- Kelly Clarkson
No Reins- Rascall Flatts
Most of Me- Mandy Moore

It was just one of those weeks.

Maybe. Arizona Green Tea. Driving with the windows down. Sweet-cheeks.

Awkward situations. Empty Conversations. Smiles. Iced Coffee. Secret Notes.

Lip Gloss. Freshman Year Mistakes. (or memories). Drive-way "breakups". Weekend.

Wrong turns. Getaway. Late Nights. Early Mornings. Peace Out. Change.

Walks and Talks. Favorites. Distraction. K Clarkson. Kickboxing.

Phone Date. Nicknames. Art Fair. Road trip. He's Just Not That Into You.

Accidental Date (x2). Hello-Goodbye. Shopping. Texting. "NO"

SOS. #9. Flashback(s). Photo Shoot. Excitement. Intrigued. Homework.

Raindrops. Tan lines. Nerves. Playlists. Missed Calls. Red Light-Green Light.

The downside of doing your best thinking, processing, and de-stressing when you run is when that is taken away from you. Okay, so my ability to run hasn't been taken away from me but I have been informed and strongly encourage to hold off on my runs for the time being. You see, I've done some serious work on my knee and the muscles and tendons around it. (Don't ask me how this happened because I really don't know, but it seems to stem back to a sports injury/surgery in high school. paired with some crazy insanse workouts now days... opps) So for the time being I've got find a better way to work things out.

Things that make me smile

-knowing the chemistry is OVER!!!
-Good workouts
-zebra and polka-dot phone covers
-Red stiletto's
-Last weekend
-Arizona Green Tea
-Change in the form of cut and color (my hair)
-getting the nails done
-you
-catching up with my favorite(s)
-Greetings
-Conversations with my dad
-driving with the windows down
-having a GPS that gets me lost (yeah that's right I navigate better on my own)
-Honky Tonk Badonky Donk...
-Single Girl Swag Playlists
-Coffee Dates
-The Wreckers
-Bronzing time
-work friends
-Texting about tools

"It's about seeing the world that's in my head, or seeing what's in my heart. Because you can't really use a word or words to explain a feeling or an experience."

I find myself irritated when I tell people what I'd like to do someday and they respond with some version of "wow, it takes a special person to do that" or "better you than me." And while this is not the response I recieve everytime, it happens more than enough.

When I was in high school I had the opportunity to spend some time volunteering at the Lyle Torrant Center working with a number of the kids there. Seeing the joy and delight on their faces as they completed a task or practiced simple skills over and over again was an experience that I'd like to have happen again and again. Somewhere between that and logging some observation hours I discovered that I there really couldn't be a better way for me to put my passion for people to use. Working with special needs/handicapped children in the field of Occupational Therapy helping them to learn the basic skills they never had, or working to improve their fine motor skills. But it's more than that, it's about loving them, serving them, teaching them, and helping them to grow.

While some people might not understand why this passion has been placed in my heart and why I want to do what I want to. It doesn't really matter anymore because sometimes their just aren't words to explain what's in your head and your heart.

Let's Recap

Running. Hello. Cousin time. Paper Cuts. Planning. Photo Shoots. Knee Brace.

Girls Night Out. Pool Time. Baby Steps. Failed Attempts. Birthdays. Rainboots.

Smiles. Creepers at the bar. :( Studying all night. Old Friends. Random Run Ins.

Older Sister? Wine. The "Hit-On" List. Iris. Coffee Shops. Twenty-three.

Bum Knee Cap. Rice Dream (Ice Cream). Window Shopping.

your voice is the soundtrack of my summer pt. 1

This is probably about to be the most random mix of songs I've ever listed but hey that's what I do...


Long Shot- Kelly Clarkson
"So now I'll take a chance on this thing we may have started. Intentional or not I don't think we saw it coming. It's all adding up to something. That as of some involvement, that as for our commitment. I think I see it coming if we step out of that limb..."

She's Country- Jason Aldean

Keeping Me Guessing- Francesca Battistelli
"I don't know how the story ends, but I'll be alright cuz you wrote it. I don't know where the highway bends, but I'm doing just fine. You're in control, even when I don't know where my life's gonna go, you're keeping me guessing."

Knock You Down- Keri Hilson, Kayne West, Ne-Yo

Hello- Beyonce
"You had me at hello..."
There's a story behind this song, and that's all I care to say.

Summer Nights- Rascall Flatts

I Don't Want to Know- Goo Goo Dolls

Say When- The Fray

Ms. Independent- Ne-Yo

Devil In Me- Kate Voegele

This is not good. Not good at all.

Lost: My ability to be sarcastic/witty on a whim.
If you find it please return it to me, it's very important...

The eye-roll as an art form

Apparently in this family we have perfected the eye-roll and a number of other looks and facial expressions as an art form. According to my step-uncle I personally must have been born with the ability to give a look or expression that says exactly what I'm thinking without saying anything.

I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not but I guess it isn't going away anytime soon.

-Skirts + High Heels + low filing cabinets = a tricky situation... nuff said...

-Telling your boss to "BACK OFF!!!) during a game while at a staff bonding outing, doesn't seem to go over all to well. Except it kind of did, I'm just paying for it now everyday... hahah awesome

-Unless you want to announce your arrival at work to the whole building it's best to assist the door in closing otherwise it slams shut and says oh hey, i'm here... plus i'm not really sure if the tech services people really enjoy the door slamming every 5 seconds.

-Not all music on my ipod may be acceptable for play during work hours... opps. especially since I only wear one earbud so that I can still hear people talking to me.

You're amazing, I'm attracted. But I'm terribly distracted.

Why did I think working 30 hrs a week and taking 2 classes would be a good idea?!

Back to my comfortable life

I realize that it has been over a month since I last posted something on here and that isn't okay with me. The problem is I've been putting if off because I'm not really sure what I want to say, and I feel like it should be something kinda decent. I've also discovered that I really value my sleep time and that seems to interfer with my blogging time, but I'm working on it. Just bear with me because I'm pretty sure this is about to make zero sense.

Last Sunday night we had a Cambodia reunion get-together which was weird to be because we've been home for just over a month now and it doesn't really seem like it. Most of the time it feel like it has been longer, but there are also times when it feels like it has only been a few days. I miss it, a lot. I miss the people, the place, and how even in the crazyness of the city things were still pretty chill and simple. You didn't have to worry about being in 10 different places at once because there was no set schedule. It wasn't about the task at hand and getting things done it was about loving people and forming relationships. We put so much emphasis on work, or on what we should be doing that we lose sight of what is important. While it is important to get things done, we should be more concerned with building relationships and learning what it means to love people regardless of who they are, where they are from, and what they are going through. We spent a morning at an AIDS orphanage and originally the plan was to spend some time with the kids playing with them and entertaining them and after that we were going to paint and help out. But our plans changed (which they often did) it didn't take long to realize that all these kids wanted was your love and attention. They didn't care that you couldn't talk to them, and that we didn't know what to do with them. They were 110% comfortable with just being held and letting us love them. At first I found myself frusterated with this because I am pretty task oriented most of the time. But I quickly began to notice that it didn't matter, we were able to do for them exactly what they needed. As followers of Christ we are called to live and love people the way that He'd want us to and spending a few hours with a little kid in my arms was all the reminded that I needed of that.

Now that I'm home I find myself frusterated because it's hard not to look at things differently. But it is also difficult to change things around in my very comfortable life. My biggest thing was that I didn't want to come back and be cinical, but I also didn't want to come back and just stick this all on a box, on a shelf, and come back to it. And so far I feel like I've done that. Flipping through my journal and pictures the other night reminded me of a conversation we had during a debriefing session one night. We are so incredibly blessed because we have everything that need, and if we don't have it yet we can get it pretty easily. It's easy for us to complain about being poor college students but seriously?!? I don't think that most of us have a clue what it means to truely be poor. So we might not have an endless supply of cash at our disposal but we are rich in other ways. We are blessed with the support of family and friends who love us and stand by us when the going gets rough. We are blessed with an education even if we break the bank paying for it. And we are blessed with our freedom and our ability to choose how we live our lives.

I'm in love with Cambodia...
Seriously it's amazing here, God uses you and reaches you in some crazy ways but it's more than worth it. I've been journaling daily so I'm sure I'll have many a blog entry once I'm home.