Organized Chaos

2011-04-01T21:43:00.000-04:00

" A friend told me to be honest with you, so here it goes. This isn’t what I want. Maybe it’s because I look at everything as a lesson, or I don’t want to walk around angry. Or maybe it’s because I finally understand. There are things we don’t want to happen, but have to accept; things we don’t want to know, but have to learn, and people we can’t live without, but have to let go."

Let's recap

2010-05-02T23:46:00.002-04:00

How I spent my weekend...

bed shopping. booked a massage. watched the tigers. dinner with the rents -ish (apparently fruit salad doesn't count as dinner...) bath time for my babies. studying. sleeping at home. ft. wayne, in. vera bradley outlet sale/expo. 1/2 mile long lines. ladies hearded like cattle. owl lappy bag. graduation dress shopping. sinus infection. rearranged the living room. cinderella. rearranged the bedroom at my school house and my house-house. bridal shower. games. finally caught up with my sister. late night phone dates. new music. pre-packing. and much much more...

2010-05-02T23:40:00.002-04:00

Dear Friend,
What's on your mind. You don't laugh the way you used to, but I've noticed how you cry. Dear friend, I feel so helpless. I see you sit in silence and you face new pain each day. I wish there was something I could do. I know you don't feel like pretty, even though you are. But it wasn't your beauty that found room in my heart. Dear friend, you are so precious. Dear friend, I'm here for you, I know that you don't talk too much. But we can share this day anew. Dear friend, please don't feel like you're alone. There is someone who is praying for you. Praying for your peace of mind. Hoping those missing words and confidence are what you find. Dear Friend, you are so precious. Dear friend, I'm praying for you...

2010-04-29T22:45:00.003-04:00

I think it's pretty safe to say that most of us know or have at least heard 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. The verse itself never seems to get old as I always find myself looking at it a little differently each time I hear it. How cool is it that we have been given a sort of guide for love that not only applies to our families, signaificant others, brothers/sisters in christ, and our friends. The last one in particular is what I've been looking at differently as of late. Why not experiement a little and take out the word love and replace it with friendship. Instead of having a guide for love we have a guide for how friendship works.

“Friendship is patient, friendship is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Friendship does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Friendship never fails…”

Now it opens by saying that friendship is patient and kind, not always easy concepts to wrap our heads around. We live in a fast-paced society, and most strive for perfection, so it does not take very much to irritate us or make us impatient waiting for the end result. Someone asked you to wait for them, or to give them a little time, or maybe they are taking awhile to figure something out/understand what they are saying. And we're supposed to be patient?! Even when our buttons are being pushed and we are frusterated we're still supposed to have patience?! Yeah... I'll be the first to admit that I get tripped up here all too often. But take a second to think about it, how many times have we done the very same thing and someone else gave us the time to do whatever it was we needed.

Next we are told that friendship does not envy or boast, and it isn't proud. Ever find yourself comparing yourself to a friend. Wanting something that they have, or wishing you could do something as well as they can? Or maybe you are the better one because you can do something that they can't, or something comes more naturally to you. And you find yourself feeling a little prideful just because you can be. Not the best way to go about making or keep friends. Sure we are always going to have moments were we are prideful, envious, or jealous because we are human but that can't be the basis for doing something. But here's the thing, and get ready because it is a BIG secret. --> God made us all different for a reason! If we could all do the same things how boring would that be?! it's okay to not have the same things and abilities that our friends do, it's supposed to be that way.

We have a tendency to confuse what we can get from our friends/what they can do for us with what we can give to/do for them. Somewhere along the lines we created this idea that friendship is about our own selves and our needs, when really it should be directed outwardly towards others. Friendship is a two way street so we can't always be taking, taking, taking. We have to do a little giving, giving, giving to match it up. And while this sounds great in theory it is love that requires us to go against our own inclinations. It is not always a natural feeling to want to do/give/love/invest outwardly for others, instead of inwardly towards ourselves and our desires. If we use the verse as our guide and work to become more Christ-like we will learn to be a friend without expecting anything for ourselves in return.

3 balls, 1 strike. now you're speaking my language...

2010-04-28T17:58:00.002-04:00

I recently had dating/relationships explained to me in a "language" that I have no reason to not understand. Apparently it is possible to turn baseball or parts of baseball into a game plan for dating. Am I complaining? most certainly not.

So long story short dating can be like a baseball game. A batter has 3 strikes before they are out and occasionally there can be a ball throw here or there. 4 of those and the batter gets walked. If a batter has a number of chances to get it right before he either knocks it out of the part or he gets an out than shouldn't the person you're dating get to have a chance of two to get it right before you play the ump card and call him out?

I've never been a fan of the sugar coated life...

2010-04-27T19:44:00.002-04:00

In life we are given what we need and not what we want, so why doesn't that carry over into what we say and hear? Often times it would be a lot easier to just tell someone what they want to hear, instead of saying what really needs to be said. This is where I get stuck. I've never really been a fan of the sugar coated life. I fully understand that there are ways to go about delievery things to people especially under certain circumstances. But I have a hard time with the idea of telling someone a sugar coated answer simply because it either it seems like the easy way out or because it is what the person wants to hear. Is giving someone the easy way out answer better because their feeling won't get hurt? Or is it better to be straight forward and take a chance that your honesty might not go over well?

Did you know? round 2

2010-04-27T18:57:00.003-04:00

- My birthday is in 13 days :)
-I start half of my mornings with coffee, and the other half by waking up to construction.
-Mixed CD's are like the way to my heart or just a way to brighten my day 10fold.
-The first app I downloaded on my blackberry was for the tigers.
-I recently did an overhaul of my ipod - bringing back the Goo Goo Dolls, the Appleseed Cast, Joshua Radin, Florence and the Machine, Lesley Roy, Johnny Craig, Owl City, Headway, and Needtobreathe. *This is a big step for me.
-I chopped my hair off and while I love the cut I may be regretting my decision.
-I think I'm going to re-learn how to play the piano this summer.
-It took me until my senior year of college to be okay with wearing sweatpants around/out-and-about.
-3/4 of my closet went to goodwill or to friends this year, but I still have enough shoes and purses to fill up the space.
-If I had to marry a baseball player I'd pick Ryan Perry.
-I have a strange obsession? with owls or rather owl stuff.
-Blogging my hair everyday for a year is my most idiotic/brilliant idea ever.
-I have a permanent tan line on my thumb from my spoon ring. I have worn it everyday for the last 3 years.
-I associate songs with people.
-I got very used to having you in my life.
-Living with 8 other girls has it's moments.
-I'm very ready for graduation, not so ready for unemployment or having to take the GRE.
-Nicknames make life better.
-Starbucks is like my home away from home.
-I miss roadtripping every other weekend.
-I can name all of the MLB teams just for fun.
-I associate spring time with baseball, but fall is still my favorite season.
-I have applied for an excessive number of jobs in the last 3 weeks.
-I miss my best friends.

Sounding board

2010-03-29T21:00:00.001-04:00

In high school I discovered that I did some of my best thinking while my feet were pounding the pavement. Running is a mindless activity so running through lists of things that I needed to do or thinking about everything that was going on in life became a great way to fill/kill time during a workout. This method became my go-to and stuck with me throughout my time at college. Then I decided to jack my knee up again this year, failed to follow orders, and found myself being placed on a running "ban" until further notice. So I switched back to my old school method of journaling and/or blogging - just not posting them. A recent check told me I had 37 drafts saved this year... But when you are driving in the car writing is not an effective method, so insert this "thinking out loud" processing here.

Yesterday I found myself in the car with a 2.5 hour drive ahead of me after a very long weekend. This 2.5 turned into a 3.5 drive due to some crazy intense rain and slow moving traffic. Giving me plenty of time to begin breaking down everything going on in my mind. Processing life out loud kinda makes me feel like I'm talking to myself but I like to think of it more as using myself as a sounding board. It turns out it goes a lot better when you think out loud while someone else is with you. Hello speaker phone :) I spent a fair amount of the drive catching up with a friend or two and just kinda thinking out loud. You'd be amazed at how many times the words "does that make sense" left my mouth.

"I don't know how I feel
maybe I'm mad or maybe I'm proud
can't find the truth, can't speak my mind
don't know what I'll say
I'm just thinking out loud "

Eenie meenie...

2010-03-27T10:46:00.003-04:00

I'm indecisive... This news should not be a suprise to most people, as anyone who has spent a fair amount of time with me should know that decision making and I don't seem to go hand-in-hand. If I need to I can and will make decisions but overall I go back and forth on my thoughts and feelings more than anymore should. That being said, the time has come for me to stop this whole "eenine meenie" process and start making decisions and sticking to them. In 50 (or so maybe less by now) days I'm graduating and so far all I know is that I will once again me living at home with the parents and dealing with my crazy puppies. The GRE will be taken this summer, I will hit the 300 mark with observing O.T. and I will still be a college student as A&PI just doesn't cut it for grad school so A&PII, Biology, and maybe another Psychology course will consume my life again. Outside of this I have no idea what I am doing or what I want to do.

It's time to pick my grad school(s) and get ready to apply. I've changed my mind of this topic so many times that my parents and my office staff both joke about what the top choice of the week is. I may have finally found that school, I just have two more visits to go through before I decide. MUSC (Medical University of South Carolina) is currently the front runner after my visit over break but University of Indy and Indiana University-Perdue University Indy are still in need of some visit time. OSU has been bumped as paying $$$$$$ to get just my Master's seems a little rediculous. Grand Valley is just an after thought because going to an unranked school doesn't really sit well with me. Slowly but surely I'm getting there. Some decisions just take more time, thought, and prayer before I'm 100% on them but it's going to happen... hopefully :)

Repeat

2010-03-20T22:12:00.002-04:00

I have listened to this mix on repeat for days. I think I took it too far when it started being played on my ipod, in my car, and on my laptop. Maybe? ehhh maybe not.

- According to you - Orianthi
- Smile - Uncle Kracker
- The Start- Headway
- Good Life - One Republic
- Free - Switchfoot
- Ready - K. Clarkson
- Without You Here - Goo Goo Dolls
- Meaning - Gavin DeGraw
- Disguising mistakes with goodbyes - Emery
- Only Exception - Paramore
- Meet Me Halfway- Black Eyed Peas
- Fallin for You - Colbie Caillat
- Iris - Goo Goo Dolls
- Eenie Meenie - Sean Kingston & Justin Beiber

it's good to learn from your mistakes, but that only works in you

2010-03-17T18:47:00.000-04:00

I've discovered that these days I don't have a whole lot to blog about. It's not that I don't have anything to say because I do, I always do... it's just sometimes these things aren't worth sharing. Lately I have had many a conversation with a number of different friends in which advice is both given and recieved. Some of the advice is usful and relevant and some of it is from lessons learned by one individual and passed on to another. The problem with this is that not everyone can learn from anothers mistakes.

on the tip of my tongue

2010-02-20T17:27:00.002-05:00

do you ever have one of those moments where you really want to say something or you're with someone and you know that they are about to say something. the words are there but you just can't get them out, they are simply stuck on the tip of your tongue. yeah, i hate those moments...

2010-01-17T22:03:00.003-05:00

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Sometimes songs says things better than we ever could. Because of this we picks songs that explain whatever is going on and we listen to them over and over and over. Maybe I'm the only person that does this but because of it I have playlists for almost any/every situation. I've been listening to Joshua Radin a lot lately, and have decided that this song sums up life at the moment.

I've been down this road before
I walk out the door
Leave you on the floor

Sometimes you run and hide
Your foolish pride's
What keeps me from
Giving you more

So the best thing I can give to you
Is for me to go
Leave you alone
Cause you got growing up to do...

2010-01-11T16:53:00.002-05:00

After a semester of logging observations hours and the occasional old testament assignment. I think I've forgotten what it feels like to have a real class with homework every night. Can't say that I love it, but I don't hate it either. It's just keeping me very busy.

Mustard yellow, missed exits, and owls

2010-01-05T12:08:00.001-05:00

sometimes all you need is time with the people that know you best.

That being said, these last couple days were not only a great end to break but exactly what I needed. Shopping. How I Met Your Mother. Pictures. Conversations/Discussions. Blog Posts. Memories. Phone Calls. Advice. Diet Coke Brownies. Hair Dye. Missing Exits. You get the idea.

Oh hey, happy new year!

2010-01-01T13:48:00.002-05:00

My pet project of the year : blogging my hair for 365 days. I know this may sound like a rather strange idea, but I've been told by many that my hair looks different all the time so why not see if it's true. http://hair365.blogspot.com/

2009-12-27T22:22:00.003-05:00

"What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?" - Vincent Van Gogh

I recently was given a ring, inscribed with the words "be brave" on the inside of the band. The giver told me that it was to stand as a reminder to be brave/courageous in everything that I do. While I don't need a ring to be reminded that I should be brave and have the courage to follow through on my goals and my dream. It did make me think about how often I don't do these things because I'm not brave enough to commit/follow through on something, or if I am the fear of not knowing the outcome holds me back. And then I realize that I'm an idiot because it really doesn't matter that I don't know the outcome or that the task at hand might not be a success. It's about trying, trusting, and knowing that with God we'll find the courage to attempt anything that life throws our way.

My life in music

2009-12-26T22:35:00.003-05:00

Have you ever noticed that songs have a way of connecting our memories with our heart, our mind and our moods. I'll a little bit in love with music or rather song lyrics as they tend to say what I'm thinking/feeling better than I can at times. That being said, here is my life in music for 2009. And I totally expect you to share yours :)

January : Come Alive - Foo Fighters
February: Keeping Me Guessing - Francesca Battistelli
March: City - Sara Bareilles
April: Nice To Meet You Anyway - Gavin DeGraw
May: Ponytail Parades - Emery
June: Hello - Beyonce
July: Long Shot- Kelly Clarkson
August: I Gotta Feelin - Black Eyed Peas
September: The Scientist - Coldplay
October: I Look So Good (Without You) - Jessie James
November: Playing With My Heart- Kate Voegele
December: Miss Independent - Ne-Yo

2009-12-20T12:05:00.000-05:00

Dear Life,
You confuse me. Perhaps we can strike up a deal and make things easier to understand. Mk great.

Sincerely, Me

2009-12-01T12:20:00.000-05:00

I should've known by the way you passed me by

There was something in your eyes and it wasn't right

I should've walked, but I never had the chance

Everything got out of hand, and I let it slide

Now I only have myself to blame

For falling for your stupid games

I wish my life could be the way

It was before I saw your face

You stole my happy, you made me cry

Took the lonely, and took me for a ride

And I wanna undo it

You had my heart, not I want it back

I'm starting to see everything you lack

Boy you blew it, you put me through it

I wanna undo it...

Did you know?

2009-11-16T11:52:00.000-05:00

- Kelly Clarkson is my go to for pretty much anything. When she doesn't get the job done the Goo Goo Dolls seem to do alright.
- When certain situtations/things can't be changed/ something is up my hair cut and/or color will change without fail.
- My major has changed 3 times.
- I don't know how to have downtime.
-I drink coffee even on the days that it makes me sick.
- I used to want to be a hunter, then my dad told me I talked too much.
-Going to Cambodia was the coolest thing I've ever done.
-There is always time for shopping, sometimes it is just window shopping though.
- I love driving and going on roadtrips, as long as there is good music on the radio.
-My eye color changes with my mood.
-Sarcasm tends to get me into trouble quite often.
- Smiling is my favorite.
-Just because I don't say it doesn't mean I'm not interested.
- There isn't a whole lot that I wouldn't do for my family and friends.
- I'd take tickets to a game over flowers any day.
-3 outfits end up on my floor before I walk out the door in the morning (unless it is a khaki pants/polo shirt day then it's a first try situation)
- I'm going to graduate in May from the one college I said I'd never attend.
- My alarm clock is never set for a normal time ( 5:57 and 6:02 every morning)
- If I ever lost my planner all hell could break lose.
-Baby steps and I don't always mix well.
-I blog everyday, I just don't post them.
- My closet once contained 36 pairs of jeans, it now has 8 pairs in it.
- I'd chose stilettos over safety and comfort most of the time.
- My luck with technology ran out long ago.
- Being driven (or too driven) is my strength and my weakness.
- If it weren't for unlimited texting I might not make it though the workday sometimes.
- I'll be over it (whatever it is) in a day or two.
- I get hiccups all throughout the day, everyday.
- I own more action movies than chick flicks.
- Medical shows are my favorite if I have to watch TV.
- Organized chaos makes life easier.
- I've never known if I was a night owl or a morning person because I stay up late and get up early. And I don't mind either one.
- If I wore everything in my closet I could go 3 weeks without doing laundry.
- Phone calls at 1 am are ridiculous and I love them.
-I read PostSecret every week.
- I have indecisive days, everyday.
-I would rather be around snoty-nosed little kids, than work at a computer any day.
- Running is how I process life, and I hate when it is taken away from me.
- Getting mail makes my day.

House lessons round one

2009-11-15T14:32:00.000-05:00

-There are 11 commandments, we just only know about 10 of them. "You shouldn't wear hooker heels to church. Or really anywhere." I was informed of this one Sunday morning during the church service by one of my lovely housemates.

-Playing your "devil music" out the open window of your bedroom is not appropriate no matter the time of day. You never know when the Chaplin of your school might feel the need to park in your driveway and come stop by to say hello. So let your hips SWING elsewhere :) hahaha

- Just because we don't really have neighbors doesn't mean people can't see in the windows from a far... think twice before you walk to the kitchen in the morning in your towel.

-Having two living rooms is great, forgetting that you have two living rooms and that there are boys in the back one while walking in the front door and loudly announcing that you have to POOP is not so great. (I just got to watch this one play out, didn't do the announcing)

- M&M's in your bathwater.... enough said.

- Technology and people close to it can and will become the butt of every joke possible if you allow it to be. Just be careful who you go on "dates" with...

- Going to bed at 10 pm every night, will result in being labeled as the house grandma. Keeping the trend up week after week causes the label to become a nickname.

2009-11-10T23:45:00.004-05:00

figured it was time I wrote something again, so here's the update of my life in list form :)

1. 140 down, 100 to go :D I have finally reached the over half way point on my internship and while I'm pumped that the hours are being logged and I'm nearing the end. I'm a little bit sad about it as well. I've gotten attached to the kids*, (picked my favorites and my least favorites) and I've formed relationships with some of the adult patients.
* I've also had my heart broken by the 5 year old that wanted to be my boyfriend on a Friday and dumped me on a Monday because I cut and dyed my hair over the weekend and the long blonde locks were all gone...

2. Road-tripping has become my favorite way to spend my free time. I just wish it wasn't so expensive, because it adds up after a couple weekend trips in a row.
-North Carolina/South Carolina/Tennessee (fall break)- Wedding madness continues in my life, once again. So I headed down South for Emilee's wedding to do a little updo hair-styling and enjoy the mountains and sunshine at the same time. broke the transmission in the "Carolina cruiser" on the way there, rented a new car, did some shopping, killed some time with pointless texting, got to visit some old family friends/ receive a housing offer for grad school and had "uncle Steve" try to set me up with his son... all in all I'd call it a success
-Indy Weekend- Driving for 3.5 hours with Brin and Brody can be a little insane. Turns out my babies travel with more luggage/crap than I do and but they love being in the car/ helping me drive. Spent some quality time with my seester, got hit on at B-dubs by waiters and pirates, carved a pumpkin, had a photo shoot, made some new friends, captured a fake proposal on the monument at circle center, experienced the most awkward dinner with 11 other people ever, learned new ways to pick someone up using a sugar packet, detoured to IWU, and experienced the insanity of Halloween in the city...
-Nashville (on Friday) finally following up on a promise made freshman year :)

3. I recently learned that I do indeed have the ability to sleep. I've earned the nickname "grandma" at my house since I go to bed around 10 everynight (and have to force myself to stay awake until then) so that I can get up at 5:45/6:00 to get ready for the internship or for work. Naptime has also become a favorite way to spend my time and/or my lunch break. I once knocked a friends idea to sleep in the car during lunch but it turns out he may have had a good thing going.

4. Senior seminar makes me feel like I'm back in high school again, creating a waste of time senior portfolio all over again. Except this little electronic portfolio is almost like my resume/ check out all my sweet research/experience in 8 short, sweet, and very exciting slides. Presenting it to my class and the department was only a little bit stressful... on the brightside I am basically done with that class and only have to focus on Old Testament from here on out. And a beautiful paper for my internship but I'll cross that bridge after I observe 100 more hours.

5. I'm in serious need to a job where I can work more than 10 hours a week. Not that I don't love my current job but I need something else so that I can pay bills, put gas in the car, and buy groceries. (Rice milk, fruit, veggies, and ground turkey isn't all that cheap)

6. Just because the knee surgeon clears you for running doesn't mean you should jump back into the old routine... I didn't really start up with a crazy long run just tried to ease my way back into it but at mile 3 I had not 1 but 2 knee caps that were located in the wrong place... and back the the Doctor I go :)

2009-11-08T00:18:00.000-05:00

'cause i'm always giving,
here waiting while you're living
I need a new beginning, I'm not the girl I used to be with you

You think maybe that i'm just so easy
you can come in and out my life like you please
but baby, no, don't you know it takes more
to keep a girl like me

no more waiting for you to change,
don't you know that you bringing flowers won't stop the rain
baby, no, don't you know it takes more,
you're the only one not worth waiting for

First date do's/dont's

2009-11-04T23:02:00.001-05:00

So sometimes at my internship we have really awesome/strange/random conversations and this would be what we talked about today...

Tardiness/ late policy -- If you show up late for the date there had better be a d*** good excuse or some very nice flowers, and even then we reserve the right to not accept either option.
Q & A -- Don't type/ make a list of things you'd like to know/learn about the person. Awkward first date questions are a given, they go with the territory but for real let's not make the Q & A session anymore painful...
What type of date/when--Lunch dates aren't a good option because they limit you. (Chances are you're on a lunch break and you've got like an hour tops so that's no good...) Dinner is always a good option as is coffee or a combination of the two. Just avoid the movies because it won't let you do a lot other than sit in silence or well you get the idea...
Co-workers/office mates/ building buddies... all of the above are a no-go on the dating front. That whole mixing business/ pleasure gets complicated fast because if/when it doesn't work out it creates an awkward work environment.
End of the date protocol -- You have to close the date somehow, just standing there is awkward and walking away pretty much says " well thanks this was nice but let's not do it ever again..." a handshake is forbidden - it's like saying the date was a business transaction and well that's great if you're co-workers but that isn't allowed so... that leaves us with the hug, sidehug, kiss on the cheek, or legit kiss options so it's up to you to decide just do something...

i'm smiling because...

2009-10-21T23:39:00.005-04:00

-Water fights in the kitchen x2. and a sprayer that has the ability to hit the front door and wall around it. not that we got water all over the house.

- "Did you just wink at her?! "

-Today I got to cast a patients wrist for the first time, with a little assistance from the OT. Yes I realize that I'm rediculous for being excited about this. But hands on experience is so great and I'll have more to put in my paper :)

- "So you're a girl, and I'm going to give you a discount on your carwash because you're cute." - New favorite carwash guy in Jackson that charged me $5 for my $12 dollar wash :D

- Meeting Mark

- My housemates are freaking insane and I love it

- 3 free punches on my frequent coffee card at J. Coffee Co. :)

2009-10-18T01:15:00.001-04:00

I just want to blink and be where you are tonight.

Dating 101

2009-10-07T22:02:00.003-04:00

Compliments of one of my patients at my internship.

Rule #1 - "If he's not asking to be your boyfriend, he's clearly not interested. So move on. "
This is really the only thing you need to know, because if he is interested you've got yourself a man. If not you move on and find a new one.

On the days where I'm not being mistaken as a 16 year old, many of my older patients (older as in my non pediatric patients) like to ask me questions about my love life. It's a great way to take 30-60 minutes of a therapy session and turn it into a rather hilarious or awkward situation. Some try to hook me up with their kids or their nephews. Others point out patients working out in the gym as people I should look into, and some suggest themselves. Like I said hilarious or awkward.

2009-09-26T17:36:00.001-04:00

4 1/2 inches of hair on the floor later i found some of the change i was looking for. well that paired with some lowlights and highlights. and these lovely little size 14 plugs that are currently being jabbed into my ears. ouch.

Whatever happens, happens.

2009-09-20T17:05:00.003-04:00

We create expectations for things, whether we are aware of it or not. We have ideas and/or hopes of how we'd like things to play out. That being said I've decided to go into the rest of this expectation free knowing that whatever happens, happens and I'm fine with the outcome whatever it may be.

2009-09-15T13:27:00.000-04:00

DO OVER?

2009-09-10T23:51:00.002-04:00

I'm so prepared for my senior year, that on my way to class with Alie this morning I realized that I had no idea where I was going for class. I mean I knew what building I was in, but that was it. So I just roamed the hall until I found Bailey and figured that were he was at was where I need to be. After sitting down I discovered that I brought nothing to write with. Psshh, I'm not a senior I swear. It should probably be noted that because our house isn't in the middle of campus like the dorms are we weren't sure how long we needed to get to class so we left so early that I almost beat the freshman to class. (You know how the first day is, freshman go like 20 minutes early and it's awesome) It's super fun being in a class with all freshman because people look at me funny because I have delt with them in financial aid and/or called them this summer from the office so apparently that means I shouldn't be a student. After my 5 minutes of feeling like an idiot class started, and we were asked to introduce ourselves by sharing our football loyalties. Say what?! I was a-okay with this request and quickly rattled off my teams. And I cracked up when the guy next to me apoligized for being a Michigan fan. He was so timid about owning it that I told him he should just say OSU and be done with it.

2009-09-09T23:48:00.002-04:00

I'm just so tired of these troubles that I try to hide.

Makes me wanna wash away my whole world inside.

I think it's time that I make changes in the things I do

This weight on my chest I am ready to loose.

And all this time I've been getting in my own way.

I have to tell myself only I can be the one to make a change.

Don't hold me down.

Oh, I was getting so far.

Don't hold me down.

Cause I don't wanna fall apart.

Don't hold me down.

You see me waking up and feel it now.

I'm breaking down and nothing's gonna stop me now.

I have been rocking back and forth across the line.

Hanging for a moment on the wrong side.

Now I'm standing up, I think I'll be here for a while.

Hope I rememeber how to keep on this steady smile.

All that time I was getting in my own way.

I had to tell myself only I could be the one to make a change.

Don't hold me down.

Oh, I was getting so far.

Don't hold me down.

Cause I don't wanna fall apart.

Don't hold me down.

You see me waking up and feel it now.

I'm breaking down and nothing's gonna stop me now.

I know I'm gonna fight it.

I'm tired of being blinded.

So....

I won't hold me down.

Oh, I wanna go so far.

I won't hold me down.

I don't wanna fall apart.

Don't hold me down.

You see you're waking up and feel it now.

I'm breaking down and nothing's gonna stop me now.

2009-09-08T17:46:00.002-04:00

You know that feeling when you know you're about to cry and it takes everything in your to hold back the tears? Yeah, I hate that feeling. It's not one that I experience often but when it happens it's a go big, or go home situation. Orientation did not go well. I was shuffled around from HR department to HR department only to learn that I did not have an internship. I walked into the elevator and pressed the floor 1R button to leave and all I could think was just make it to the car and you'll be fine. Several wrong turns throughout the old hospital building later I was at my car and the tears began. I'm not a cryer so when it happens I never really know what to do about it. But I'm always amazed by what seems to be my breaking point. This was not good news but it certainly was not a reason to cue the waterworks. Instead however it was the point after several weeks of frusteration and other crap that made me breakdown. I'm sure it was a sight to see as I turned out of the hospital parking lot with mascara and tears all down my face only to hit every red light between there and my house and always have people look at me in a rather concerned way.

2009-09-08T12:38:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I really wish that I was a decisive person, or that once I made a decision I would stick to it. (Not that I am changing my mind, I just feel like I change gears/direction).

2009-09-07T08:14:00.002-04:00

1.) I'm all moved in to my house and with the exception of a couple boxes in the kitchen I'm unpacked! And I kinda think that I like how things are set up.

2.) Every time I take an online class, I ask myself why? And then say I'll never do it again. I HATE online classes but I find myself in another one. And thanks to the whole online course schedule it is already in full swing which means that I have homework already. Lots of homework. :)

3.) I'm not sure that I am ready for today. When my alarm went of at 7 my head definately said that it wasn't ready. I'm just not looking forward to certain aspect of it. But that's okay. It's just work until 6. Plus one of the perks of the bookstore job is that I get paid to "check" people out/work the back wall. You'd kind of have to be there to understand but we bookstore workers have to find ways to entertain ourselves during this week on insanitity. And well, inappropriateness seems to be our go to solution.

4.) Orientation tomorrow = loads of fun meetings, drug testing, and photo taking. The HR coordinator was like just a heads up we'll be taking your picture. So another words, don't roll out of bed and show up. Well unless that's your thing.

5.) p.s. 5 days :D this is kind of a big deal...

I'm going to think about this for the rest of the day now. thanks.

2009-09-02T21:44:00.005-04:00

I get the hiccups a lot. It's just a fact of my life currently, and while I don't enjoy having them I've decided to just go with it and enjoy them. So today I had a pretty awesome round of hiccups going while I was standing outside of another cubicle. And the person looks at me and says "Does it ever freak you out how the stepmom on grey's anatomy died?" I wasn't really following so I was like "umm no, honestly can't say that I think about it all that often." I think that he noticed I wasn't following because he goes, "you know she died from the hiccups right?!?" And all of a sudden I realized the connection. I just thought that he was trying to make conversation because I had been talking about how excited I was for the show to start back up. But no apparently every time I hiccup he thinks about how some chick on a TV show died from having the hiccups. And now I keep thinking about the chick and her hiccups and I laugh every time I get a hiccup (since mine don't happen consistently this means that every 15 minutes to an hour I'm thinking about this)

Best summer job ever. Hands down.

In other work news, it looks like my phone should be here by Friday. Which gives me plenty of time to salvage my long distance relationship and make up for my lack of commitment in recent months. :) Or it means that maybe I'll get some work done before classes start up. Personally I like the second option better but the first one is much more humorous.

Let's disect my love life.

2009-09-01T00:15:00.002-04:00

I'm getting a phone at work. It's not really mine per say but I'm the only student worker that gets to use it, so technically I guess you could say that it is mine :) Anyways after meeting with my supervisor and the boss to work out the details I managed to start up a conversation about long distance phone calls. Which somehow started a conversation about my boyfriend. (Say what?!?!?!) Apparently I have to be careful about placing long distance phone calls to said boyfriend who is currently living in Uganda. (If you are confused at the moment, bear with me, I was feeling the same way during the conversation) So being my whitty self I replied with a "Dang it! I hate when I'm in relationships that I don't even know about." My boss and supervisor start cracking up and just look at me like, well you get the idea. It was a look, a very strange look. So my boss decides to tell me that I might have better luck with relationships if I start to acknowledge that they exist. In fact it would solve my relationship problems, commitment is much easier when you actually commit to someone.

Have I mentioned how much I love my job/the people I work with and their ability to disect my love life/lack there of and tease me about it at the same time. :)

2009-08-30T16:45:00.000-04:00

dear attractive boy in the car parked next to me,

it's okay to stop staring/smiling at me and actually speak to me. i just might say something back...

from,
me

Will bake cookies for football tickets...

2009-08-30T00:04:00.000-04:00

It's starting to feel like fall which means that a number of amazing/my favorite things are about to happen.

football season/football dates.
bonfires.
moving back to school.
perfect morning runs (this may or may not happen depending on my next knee appt.)
the sound of leaves crunching under your feet.
jeans, sweatshirts, and flipflops.
carmel apple cider.
kelly clarkson in concert :D
road trips.
breaking in my new planner. (don't judge but i get very excited about this)

2009-08-26T09:15:00.000-04:00

Life somehow seems okay when there is a cup of coffee in hand and coldplay is softly playing across my iPod speakers.

Lets cast a LOVE SPELL?!?

2009-08-25T23:56:00.000-04:00

So I walked into work today and into my office. After setting down my purse and starting up my computer I looked to my right only to discover that there was a bottle of Victoria's Secret Love Spell Lotion on my desk. Slightly confused as to how and/or why the bottle was there I looked around and then decided to ask where it had come from. A little voice from across the cubile wall informed me that "the office just wants to help you find a man. you know, cast a little "love spell" and maybe find love in the office building or somewhere else on campus."

AWESOME.

2009-08-23T03:45:00.001-04:00

It's been a while since the two of us talked
About a week since the day you walked
Knowing things would never be the same
With your empty heart and mine full of pain
So explain to me, how it came to this
Take it back to the night we kissed
It was Dublin city on a Friday night
You were vodkas and coke, I was Guinness all night

We were sitting with our backs against the world
Saying things that we thought but never heard
Who would have thought it would end up like this?
Where everything we talked about is gone
And the only chance we have of moving on
Is try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

Before the worst, before we mend
Before our hearts decide
It's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Lets try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

There was a time, that we'd stay up all night
Best friends talking till the daylight
Took the joys alongside the pain
With not much to loose, but so much to gain
Are hearing me? Cause I don't wanna miss,
Set you a drift on memory bliss
It was Grafton Street on a rainy night
I was down on one knee and you where mine for life

We we're thinking we would never be apart
With your name tattooed across my heart
Who would have thought it would end up like this?
Where everything we talked about is gone
And the only chance we have of moving on
Is try to take it back Before it all went wrong

Before the worst, before we mend
Before our hearts decide
It's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Lets try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

If the clouds don't clear
Then well rise above it, we'll rise above it
Heavens gate is so near
Come walk with me through
Just like we use to, just like we use to
Lets take it back
Before it all went wrong

Before the worst, before we mend
Before our hearts decide
It's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Lets try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

I just lost the game

2009-08-20T17:57:00.004-04:00

Sometimes in order to win the game you have to be willing to lose it.

That being said, you win. for now anyways...

Summer Playlist #2 - The Maybe(Not) Edition

2009-08-20T00:51:00.000-04:00

Next In Line- Meese
Wanted- Jesse James
Fallin' for You- Colbie Caillat
Playing With My Heart- Kate Voegele
I Don't Want to Know- Goo Goo Dolls
Long Shot- Kelly Clarkson
Absolute- The Fray
Fearless- Taylor Swift
Miss Independent- Ne-Yo
Follow Through Gavin DeGraw
I Won't Disagree- Kate Voegele
Yeah- Kelly Clarkson
Crush- David Archuleta
Iris- Goo Goo Dolls
Ready- Kelly Clarkson
Fire & Rain- Mat Kearney
Hello- Beyonce
Already Gone- Crossfade
Nice to Meet You Anyway- Gavin DeGraw
Walk Away- Kelly Clarkson
No Reins- Rascall Flatts
Most of Me- Mandy Moore

VIVA MEXICO!!

2009-08-19T20:56:00.004-04:00

The fam and I packed up all of our junk (okay not all of it but we are a family that excels in the overpacking department so there was a fair amount of stuff. suprise suprise huh?!?) and headed off to Mexico for a week of togetherness. While some people may not be super excited about spending a week away with their family that was not the case here. Think back to a year ago and you'd understand why. Our week away happened to take place at the exact same time that mom's last round of chemo did last year. So going away as a family was kind of special this year because it was something we hadn't done since before things got a little crazy in our world.

just don't come home with the swine flu...

2009-08-02T22:45:00.002-04:00

So I love my family and friends. Today while packing for my week in Mexico I have recieved 12 text messages all saying be safe, don't forget to wear a mask, and don't come home with the swine flu. AWESOME

So goals for the week:
-relax and enjoy knowing that I am done with classes for a couple of weeks.
-don't come home with the swine flu.
-find Kerri a cabana boy :)
-enjoy spending time with my family since we haven't all been together for quite awhile.
-no disappointment, expectations, or anything else for the week I return.

2009-07-29T23:11:00.002-04:00

The search for the perfect grad school is on :)
1- University of Indianapolis (#43 on the list of top programs for Occupational Therapy)
One of the top programs in the state of Indiana, and it makes the top 50 for schools in the U.S. Plus the location doesn't hurt. Heart of downtown Indy because I do love the city :) Visited the school twice and loved it the second time, plus it didn't hurt that the dean of the school of O.T/P.T sat down and chatted with me face-to-face. Mad props lady!
-Downside- It's a private school so hello $$$.

2-Ohio State University (#21, most definately beat out my first school choice)
I guess it's time to come clean and say that I'm okay with being a buckeye :) This may not set well with some of you but that's okay. I'm sure you'll get over it in time. 2 year (7 semester) program and they don't require a ton of classes which is good since I still have a few to take post graduation.
-Downside- I'd start grad school like a week after graduation, and there is the posibility that I'd lose a "friend" as a result.

3- Western Michigan University (#33)
Just in case I want to stick around this fabulous state. It's the highest ranked program in the state of MI.
-Downside- FREAKING competitive admissions process that doesn't factor in experience, observation hours, or letters of recomendation. Just GPA and how you handle the interview.

4- University of Toledo (#32)
He'll be graduated by then, right?! Strong program with classes 3 days a week so you can still have a life/have a job if you're feeling ambitious. It last 2.5 years going year round and gives you lots of fieldwork experience.
-Downside- Toledo and I have a rather interesting history :)

5- University of St. Augustine (Not even sure if it's ranked. I got tired of looking)
Dual degree in Physical Therapy and Occupational THerapy in 3 years :) Need I say more?!? In Florida near the beach :)
-Downside- THey are still working on the whole accepting federal aid thing, not really sure I want to pay for all of grad school with private loans. (Turns out I have learned a thing or two working for Financial Aid)

6- Grand Valley State University (#102
Beautiful facility, decent program. Although it doesn't make the top 100 my advisor is pushing for this one)

And then just for fun
-New York University (#9)- This one may have more to do with the location but it is ranked in the top 10!
-Colorado State University (#8)

2009-07-28T00:06:00.002-04:00

It's all about having no expectations :) Okay it sounded better when I thought about it.

It was just one of those weeks.

2009-07-19T00:19:00.006-04:00

Maybe. Arizona Green Tea. Driving with the windows down. Sweet-cheeks.

Awkward situations. Empty Conversations. Smiles. Iced Coffee. Secret Notes.

Lip Gloss. Freshman Year Mistakes. (or memories). Drive-way "breakups". Weekend.

Wrong turns. Getaway. Late Nights. Early Mornings. Peace Out. Change.

Walks and Talks. Favorites. Distraction. K Clarkson. Kickboxing.

Phone Date. Nicknames. Art Fair. Road trip. He's Just Not That Into You.

Accidental Date (x2). Hello-Goodbye. Shopping. Texting. "NO"

SOS. #9. Flashback(s). Photo Shoot. Excitement. Intrigued. Homework.

Raindrops. Tan lines. Nerves. Playlists. Missed Calls. Red Light-Green Light.

2009-07-01T22:30:00.002-04:00

The downside of doing your best thinking, processing, and de-stressing when you run is when that is taken away from you. Okay, so my ability to run hasn't been taken away from me but I have been informed and strongly encourage to hold off on my runs for the time being. You see, I've done some serious work on my knee and the muscles and tendons around it. (Don't ask me how this happened because I really don't know, but it seems to stem back to a sports injury/surgery in high school. paired with some crazy insanse workouts now days... opps) So for the time being I've got find a better way to work things out.

2009-06-30T23:04:00.001-04:00

You and the radio have me all confused... darn it...

Things that make me smile

2009-06-29T22:41:00.004-04:00

-knowing the chemistry is OVER!!!
-Good workouts
-zebra and polka-dot phone covers
-Red stiletto's
-Last weekend
-Arizona Green Tea
-Change in the form of cut and color (my hair)
-getting the nails done
-you
-catching up with my favorite(s)
-Greetings
-Conversations with my dad
-driving with the windows down
-having a GPS that gets me lost (yeah that's right I navigate better on my own)
-Honky Tonk Badonky Donk...
-Single Girl Swag Playlists
-Coffee Dates
-The Wreckers
-Bronzing time
-work friends
-Texting about tools

2009-06-24T20:48:00.003-04:00

So I really should be studying right now becasue I have my last exam in the morning. Well last exam before my final exam (which happens to be over the other 6 exams we've had in class and is worth 2 exam grades) AWESOME. But I've decided to give a little attention to my blog.

Everytime I have sat down to write something in the last two+ weeks I have been stumped and end up erasing half of the entry only to start typing it over again. And then I save it in drafts and come back to it the next day and just backdate the entry. So if you scroll down past this baby you will discover a number of entries that were not there before because I finally decided to sit down, suck it up, and finish them. Or at the very least attempt to finish them.

Take it or leave it

2009-06-23T23:03:00.004-04:00

I'm too tired to take time to actually write something, or expand on what I did write so you're going to get bulleted points.

-I do some of my best thinking when I'm running, which is great because I have been having very long/ productive runs at the moment. The downside of this is when I have lots on my mind and then have a most unsuccessful run. Or when my knee cap ends up on the side of my knee and not on the front of it.

-I have spent a rediculous amount of money (ok not really, but I've spent enough) expanding my music collection this summer so that I have songs appropriate for various days/situations. And I am two CD's closer owning all of the Goo Goo Doll's music. Speaking of the Goo Goo Dolls, I wish that they would have shows other than the night of wedding rehersal #2 and then New Years...

-Things at work have been hit or miss. Which is making it rather interesting or frusterating depending on the day/time. I love everyone that I work with and the staff in the offices around us is pretty nice too, but it's just not my thing. I'm so excited to start my internship in the fall because I'm going to be at the hospital in the OT department! Which means I'll be doing something that interests me, and that puts me in my element.
*But I have discovered a whole new round of awesome names so it helps...
-NUTasha instead of Natasha
-in the booze department the most excellent last names inclue martini, wine, and rum
-Zoro, Honey, Africa, and another student names concepcion (it was bad enough one time but two...)
-My favorite still remains Celri though.

-I would love to have a 28 hour day. This week is crazy already and it's still just getting started. My chemistry class is wrapping up next monday but I only have a day of lecture/lab and then an exam left before the final. But inbetween that happens to be a bachelorette party, a bridal shower, a hair appointment, a baby shower, and hours of studying for my online class and my final exam. Whoa geeze... like I said just a few more hours in my day would be awesome.

When did we grow up?

2009-06-22T21:05:00.002-04:00

Seriously?! When did it happen because all of a sudden I feel like everyone is either married, getting married, having babies, graduating, working at big kid jobs and so on. I feel like I blinked and now all of a sudden I am a senior in college getting ready to fill out grad school applications, register for the G.R.E. Not to mention throw baby shower/bridal showers and bachelorette parties. And then be a bridesmaid in weddings and attend other ones. It's crazy.

2009-06-21T23:02:00.003-04:00

"It's about seeing the world that's in my head, or seeing what's in my heart. Because you can't really use a word or words to explain a feeling or an experience."

I find myself irritated when I tell people what I'd like to do someday and they respond with some version of "wow, it takes a special person to do that" or "better you than me." And while this is not the response I recieve everytime, it happens more than enough.

When I was in high school I had the opportunity to spend some time volunteering at the Lyle Torrant Center working with a number of the kids there. Seeing the joy and delight on their faces as they completed a task or practiced simple skills over and over again was an experience that I'd like to have happen again and again. Somewhere between that and logging some observation hours I discovered that I there really couldn't be a better way for me to put my passion for people to use. Working with special needs/handicapped children in the field of Occupational Therapy helping them to learn the basic skills they never had, or working to improve their fine motor skills. But it's more than that, it's about loving them, serving them, teaching them, and helping them to grow.

While some people might not understand why this passion has been placed in my heart and why I want to do what I want to. It doesn't really matter anymore because sometimes their just aren't words to explain what's in your head and your heart.

Let's Recap

2009-06-20T23:21:00.003-04:00

Running. Hello. Cousin time. Paper Cuts. Planning. Photo Shoots. Knee Brace.

Girls Night Out. Pool Time. Baby Steps. Failed Attempts. Birthdays. Rainboots.

Smiles. Creepers at the bar. :( Studying all night. Old Friends. Random Run Ins.

Older Sister? Wine. The "Hit-On" List. Iris. Coffee Shops. Twenty-three.

Bum Knee Cap. Rice Dream (Ice Cream). Window Shopping.

your voice is the soundtrack of my summer pt. 1

2009-06-19T18:04:00.001-04:00

This is probably about to be the most random mix of songs I've ever listed but hey that's what I do...

Long Shot- Kelly Clarkson
"So now I'll take a chance on this thing we may have started. Intentional or not I don't think we saw it coming. It's all adding up to something. That as of some involvement, that as for our commitment. I think I see it coming if we step out of that limb..."

She's Country- Jason Aldean

Keeping Me Guessing- Francesca Battistelli
"I don't know how the story ends, but I'll be alright cuz you wrote it. I don't know where the highway bends, but I'm doing just fine. You're in control, even when I don't know where my life's gonna go, you're keeping me guessing."

Knock You Down- Keri Hilson, Kayne West, Ne-Yo

Hello- Beyonce
"You had me at hello..."
There's a story behind this song, and that's all I care to say.

Summer Nights- Rascall Flatts

I Don't Want to Know- Goo Goo Dolls

Say When- The Fray

Ms. Independent- Ne-Yo

Devil In Me- Kate Voegele

It's back!

2009-06-18T20:39:00.002-04:00

Take a deep breath and relax. Okay good. turns out I was just trying to hard to come up with something semi-witty/sarcastic and as a result nothing happened. Don't you love that?!? I am sarcastic all the time, especially when I shouldn't be and then the one time that I want/need to be I drawn a big fat blank.

p.s. I may be getting beat at my own game. (don't ask me how that even works but it does)

2009-06-17T00:25:00.000-04:00

So it's 12:30 and I'm beyond tired but homework calls and my puppies must be on drugs because they are charging around my room at full speed. Scratch that my mother just informed me that while I was at work all day my babies slept and laid around so they are going to be up for awhile... (words can't even begin to explain how excited this makes me). I've decided that the concept of homework in the summer is not one that I enjoy. It just doesn't feel right to me, but hey, I go full tilt the rest of the school year so why take a break during my time off?! Currently I have 4 weeks of chemistry under my belt and a week and a half to go (plus an extra monday for my final). The crazy thing is that I'm actually kinda sorta enjoying the class this time around, because it clicks and because my studying and hard work is paying off. Big time! my midterm grade was a 3.8 which means I could actually walk away with a 4.0 (fingers crossed). And that would look pretty nice on my grad school applications.

This is not good. Not good at all.

2009-06-16T23:14:00.002-04:00

Lost: My ability to be sarcastic/witty on a whim.
If you find it please return it to me, it's very important...

2009-06-15T21:00:00.000-04:00

'Cause she barely even knows him
but if she could see inside
Everything is quiet as she waits
to tell him who she is

Is this all we get to be absolute
Quiet but I’m sure there is something here
Tell me everything cause I want to hear

It’s a kiss sits upon on those lips
that waits for planes and battle ships

The eye-roll as an art form

2009-06-14T21:42:00.002-04:00

Apparently in this family we have perfected the eye-roll and a number of other looks and facial expressions as an art form. According to my step-uncle I personally must have been born with the ability to give a look or expression that says exactly what I'm thinking without saying anything.

I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not but I guess it isn't going away anytime soon.

2009-06-08T19:03:00.005-04:00

-Skirts + High Heels + low filing cabinets = a tricky situation... nuff said...

-Telling your boss to "BACK OFF!!!) during a game while at a staff bonding outing, doesn't seem to go over all to well. Except it kind of did, I'm just paying for it now everyday... hahah awesome

-Unless you want to announce your arrival at work to the whole building it's best to assist the door in closing otherwise it slams shut and says oh hey, i'm here... plus i'm not really sure if the tech services people really enjoy the door slamming every 5 seconds.

-Not all music on my ipod may be acceptable for play during work hours... opps. especially since I only wear one earbud so that I can still hear people talking to me.

You're amazing, I'm attracted. But I'm terribly distracted.

2009-04-29T15:25:00.002-04:00

Why did I think working 30 hrs a week and taking 2 classes would be a good idea?!

2009-04-15T17:02:00.003-04:00

-I've officially hit that point in the semester when I a) want to be done with school b) feel incredibly overwhelmed because everything gets loaded on last minute and c) take on more stuff to do. (as if it wasn't enough already :))

-I'm moving back to campus in the fall, living in K-10 with 8 other girls... But I'm pretty excited about it although there are couple of things that I'll miss about being home. (see picture below and you'll understand)

-I could graduate in the winter if it weren't for two stinkin classes... so I currently only have 7 credits in the fall... opps.

Meet Brody (on the left) and Brinley (right) there are the newest additions to my family. I think that you'll like them a lot if you come and meet them.

-I seem to be very good at getting myself into some rather interesting situations... i guess old habits die hard or they just don't go away :)

2009-04-06T00:12:00.004-04:00

It's official: I am a failure at keeping up to date with my blogging. I've been writing stuff I just never got around to posting it. (Sweet excuse right?!)

A couple weeks ago in my Core 300 class we watched some video about a man who had been diagnosed with cancer and wasn't expected to live a whole lot longer. He talked about how weird it was to not know when he would die, because it could happen anyday so he took on this motto: "Live your life as if each day is your last, and eventually you'll be right." I jotted it down at the time but didn't give a whole lot of thought to. But lately I find myself thinking about his comment. Just what would happen if we all lived each day to the fullest and used our actions to honor and glorify HIM?

Back to my comfortable life

2009-02-26T22:46:00.004-05:00

I realize that it has been over a month since I last posted something on here and that isn't okay with me. The problem is I've been putting if off because I'm not really sure what I want to say, and I feel like it should be something kinda decent. I've also discovered that I really value my sleep time and that seems to interfer with my blogging time, but I'm working on it. Just bear with me because I'm pretty sure this is about to make zero sense.

Last Sunday night we had a Cambodia reunion get-together which was weird to be because we've been home for just over a month now and it doesn't really seem like it. Most of the time it feel like it has been longer, but there are also times when it feels like it has only been a few days. I miss it, a lot. I miss the people, the place, and how even in the crazyness of the city things were still pretty chill and simple. You didn't have to worry about being in 10 different places at once because there was no set schedule. It wasn't about the task at hand and getting things done it was about loving people and forming relationships. We put so much emphasis on work, or on what we should be doing that we lose sight of what is important. While it is important to get things done, we should be more concerned with building relationships and learning what it means to love people regardless of who they are, where they are from, and what they are going through. We spent a morning at an AIDS orphanage and originally the plan was to spend some time with the kids playing with them and entertaining them and after that we were going to paint and help out. But our plans changed (which they often did) it didn't take long to realize that all these kids wanted was your love and attention. They didn't care that you couldn't talk to them, and that we didn't know what to do with them. They were 110% comfortable with just being held and letting us love them. At first I found myself frusterated with this because I am pretty task oriented most of the time. But I quickly began to notice that it didn't matter, we were able to do for them exactly what they needed. As followers of Christ we are called to live and love people the way that He'd want us to and spending a few hours with a little kid in my arms was all the reminded that I needed of that.

Now that I'm home I find myself frusterated because it's hard not to look at things differently. But it is also difficult to change things around in my very comfortable life. My biggest thing was that I didn't want to come back and be cinical, but I also didn't want to come back and just stick this all on a box, on a shelf, and come back to it. And so far I feel like I've done that. Flipping through my journal and pictures the other night reminded me of a conversation we had during a debriefing session one night. We are so incredibly blessed because we have everything that need, and if we don't have it yet we can get it pretty easily. It's easy for us to complain about being poor college students but seriously?!? I don't think that most of us have a clue what it means to truely be poor. So we might not have an endless supply of cash at our disposal but we are rich in other ways. We are blessed with the support of family and friends who love us and stand by us when the going gets rough. We are blessed with an education even if we break the bank paying for it. And we are blessed with our freedom and our ability to choose how we live our lives.

2009-01-05T05:31:00.003-05:00

I'm in love with Cambodia...
Seriously it's amazing here, God uses you and reaches you in some crazy ways but it's more than worth it. I've been journaling daily so I'm sure I'll have many a blog entry once I'm home.

2008-12-26T02:14:00.004-05:00

Cambodia in like 2 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm leaving for Chicago in 2 days and flying to Cambodia in 3 crazy exciting, and maybe a little freaky. But I'm ready for it. I just need my head to be ready too. I feel like there are a million things on my mind and enormous amounts of things I need to do or want to do before I leave. In some ways I almost feel like break has escaped me and Cambodia can't be just days around the corner. While I didn't do a lot of things things I had hoped to, I was able to do something that mattered. I learned what it truly means to be a friend even during the rough times. It's about laughter and tears, emotional roller coasters and heartfelt prayers, conversations of a wide randge of topics, late night adventures, and lots of hugs. So while I am beyond excited to see how God shapes my heart as well as the rest of the group, and to see how he uses us there. I'm really just waiting for my head (or my thoughts) to join my heart...

Several nights ago I was blessed to have the opportunity to say goodbye to an incredible, absolutely amazing man. This man happened to be the father of my best friend and a role model for me. His faith was so strong and he lived it day in and day out. He loved Jesus, and his family, and serving others. I know that I'm a better person today because I knew him, learned from him, and had my faith challenged and strengthened through him. He went home to be with Jesus the very next night and it's almost a bittersweet goodbye. His pain and suffering are over and he is rejoicing up in heaven where we'll see him again someday. :D

2008-12-23T00:58:00.000-05:00

BECAUSE I KNEW YOU, I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR GOOD...

2008-12-17T01:40:00.005-05:00

To you, and you, and you, and maybe even you...

This is my sorry note. I know that a note on my blog doesn't really cut it but I figure it's a start. I have been a crap friend. I've chosen text-ships over friendships, and have relied on the occasional run-in/passing by as my sad attempt at staying in touch. But uh, here's the thing: that's not really a friendship, that's me doing a horrible job of being a friend. I've discovered the hermit phase of my life. It's not a recent discovery, but one that was made in early October, and it managed to last all semester. I could sit here all day and list off things that factored into my new found state, but that still wouldn't make it okay.

I moved home and discovered that it took time and effort to see people and spend time with them. Throw in a bunch of crazy, insanely busy, quite opposite schedules and I'm sure you'll find that it makes things a little more tricky. Not saying that it makes it right, but it certainly made things more complicated. Being a hermit kinda seemed like decent solution... hours devoted to studying (which I actually ended up needing) going to bed kinda early, and just enjoying some downtime amongst the insanity of my schedule.

2008-12-05T00:15:00.002-05:00

PRAY...

...for hope

...for healing

...for comfort

...for strenght

...for a win in a losing battle

PRAY...

...for a miracle.

I could question this forever but it's never going to get me anywhere...

2008-12-01T20:53:00.005-05:00

I hate bad news. The kind that knocks the wind out of your sails, and doesn't leave you feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. I find myself wondering over and over again why bad things have to happen to good people? Why can one person be healed from their cancer while another person's threatens to take their life each day. It's just not fair.

And this is where I catch myself. I'm reminded all to often that life isn't fair, and there are going to be things that happen that I don't even begin to comprehend. But itsn't that what it's about. Life isn't about being fair. It's not about being comfortable, it is about being stretched until you can't be stretched anymore. It's about giving until you have nothing left, because we are given STRENGTH from God. When I don't get it, when I'm frusterated, when I feel lonely, I need to realize that this problem/thing is bigger than I am and it is unlikely that I can battle it alone. I recently found this quote and I can't get over it.

Snuggle in God's arms. When you feel lonely, left out, rejected, down on your luck. Let Him cradle you, comfort you, reassure you of His all-sufficient power and love.

2008-11-04T23:14:00.000-05:00

EVERYTHING'S CHANGING

I always knew I loved Mondays...

2008-11-04T11:24:00.000-05:00

I hate days where you walk in the door only to hear news you weren't expecting...

For starters, is it really necessary to lead with, "There's been an accident..." I think not! I guess it went down more along the lines of -brad has been in an accident. And then my dad followed with but he's okay. Which instantly makes everything better. Or it's supposed to somehow.

Anyways, I guess my sister's boyfriend was riding horses (he's kinda a cowboy) and he got bucked off, landed on his head or something along those lines. (The story is a little inclear to my currently cuz my sis didn't even really know all the details when she called the rents) So he landed himself in the hospital with a little head trauma. No bleeding or brusing (Praise!) but his short term memory is gone. No clue as to what day it is, who's running for president, or even the fact that he and my sis are dating... The good news is, the doctors are pretty sure it will return, it's just a matter of when. So basically I'm asking for a little prayer that things will be okay, and that his memory will come back.

You complete me.

2008-11-02T14:43:00.004-05:00

Where in the world would we be today without Jerry Maguire?

We started a new series at church this morning about sexuality. Not exactley a topic that most people want to tackle but it's good so far. Kind reminded me of what I've read (skimmed) in the book Sex God. Anyway, one of the things that Dave said this morning stuck with me. The idea of solemate vs. soulmate.

Our generation today seems to embrace this idea that there is one person out that that is made for us, and we're made for them. Together we "complete" one another and we will be great. We search for our soulmate, and when we find him or her we jump right in. We mistake a flood of emotions for a sign that we've meet our match. (The problem is, a lot of us find our 'soulmate' at like age 17) And then several years later we start to realize that we really don't know this person, things just aren't clicking anymore, and so on. Clearly they weren't our soulmate so end that relationship/marriage and set out to find the real one. It doesn't matter how many attempts we make as long as we find our soul mate in the end.

Now, last time I checked the Bible didn't say another about one person being made just for us. We have to use wisdom and good judgment, and not wait for destiny to step in. Maybe, just maybe we should follow are more biblical pattern and pursue a sole mate. Meaning, a mate that walks with us and together we follow God. Together we seek God, and we love one another, forever. Love isn't just an emotion; it's a commitment and it's a policy that we must choose to keep.

Consider this.

2008-11-01T11:48:00.001-04:00

One of my favorite quotes comes from the book To Kill A Mockingbird. In the story Atticus tells his daughter Scout that “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view… until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”

It's so easy for us to pass judgement about someone. Offer advice or give imput to a situation that we know little about. Or to complain about something that seems like the end of the world to us, but means little to someone else. I continually find myself giving advice to people about things that they are dealing with, or judging someone for no real reason at all. The thing is, it's not okay. It's not okay at all. Everyone has a story, and if I don't know it then I can't comment on it. Who am I to say when things aren't okay, or to form thoughts and pass judgements when I don't know the situation or circumstance.

It's about taking the time to stop, take a step back, and make an honest attempt to consider things from someone else's point of view.

How's this for commitment...

2008-10-31T16:43:00.001-04:00

I have a joint blog.

(Meaning shared with another person.)

You should probably check this out.

http://thestarbucksdialogue.blogspot.com/

I walked a minute in your shoes, they never would have fit.

2008-10-29T23:47:00.000-04:00

One word to describe ______

-My semester- INSANE

I've had at least 2 exams everyweek, but as of late it's like 2 a day.

-My job(s)- STRESSFUL

The transition of new office, and new computer programs isn't really working out. Plus my other office is just crazy all the time. Even working in the lab is getting stressful because of the schedule and conflicts.

-My friends- MISSED

I would like to see people again sometime... maybe... just throwing it out there.

-My room- CHAOS

I'm in the on going process of moving... so currently I live out of two rooms, which has it's perks. (old bedroom turned walk in closet.

-My spiritual life- KICKIN

I'm finally at a point where I feel like things are exactly where they should be, and they just keep getting better.

2008-10-25T21:25:00.002-04:00

Dude, in like 2 months I'll be in Cambodia.

Just thought I'd share that fun fact.
I'm pumped!

Isn't it ironic...

2008-10-21T20:41:00.003-04:00

i·ron·ic- adjective.
1. coincidental; unexpected
2. containing or exemplifying irony
3. given to the use of irony

That being said, welcome to my day...

At work we have a "dead drawer" it's home to all of the FAFSA's, ISIR's, and other documents sent to us for students that aren't going to our school or aren't registered yet. So first thing this morning at work I open the file that contains everything that needs to be put away in the dead drawer, and this is what I see.

STUDENT IS DECEASED.

Yeah... how's that for ironic. The above statement would be scrawled across the first wrap in the "dead drawer. " I didn't really know how to respond to that one but it came out in the form of a muffled laugh. (And then I felt really bad...)

An hour later I'm still at work because work owns my life. Or because I work all day on Tuesdays. Anyways, I'm chillin at my desk with my ipod on shuffle and I'm sorting through a bunch of paperwork. I think that my ipod has decided to sync itself to my life/the paperwork in front of my because it starts playing songs at the most perfect times according to the names on the paperwork in front of me.

1. Since you been gone- Kelly Clarkson

"since you been gone, i can breathe for the first time... " [insert names here]

2. Crush- Mandy Moore (Oldie but I guess at one time I thought a goodie)

"I've got a crush on you, hope you feel the way that I do...." and I flip to the next piece of loan paperwork for [insert name here] 'chair boy/ray's twin/common ground...' he has a lot of nicknames.

*Afternoon shift of long day at work*

3. Miracle- Paramore

At no particular/important part of the lyrics... but it was none other than Caleb Miracle's paperwork that I was filing when this song started playing.

At this time I decided it was time to turn the ipod off, while that and my shift was over so I went home.

*Earlier tonight at Starbucks

Flirty male barista + smiling me + free coffee for smiling me = Not ironic

Flirty male barista + me + free coffee for me - wedding band = Fail

According to Andra I would flirt with said married barista for a free coffee.... and this would happen only to me. (I'd like to note I wasn't really flirting just informing him of poor coffee experience in a very nice way, I also didn't check his ring finger because there was no reason to)

It's just a idea, but why not look into it?!

2008-10-20T09:04:00.006-04:00

I may have discovered what I want to do with my life. Or how I want to spend my summer at the very least...

So excuse the random dude, I don't know who he is. I'm not allowed to take pictures in the lab because that would violate HIPAA. So he's all I have to work with... I'm taking Cardiovascular Functioning and Electrophysiology this semester and I'm required to be a lab assistant as a result. I wasn't looking forward to this requirement because I already have too much going on. But as it turns out I LOVE IT! It seems that people (in my major) have that one thing from anatomy that really interests them. The heart is mine... So running EKG stress tests is pretty sweet. I'm not really sure what this means because I've been really into this Occupational Therapy thing and I still am. The thing is the more time I spend in the lab, and the more in depth we go in class, the more I think about Cardiovascular Rehab. It's just a thought or rather an idea right now, but I figure there's no harm in looking into it...

Sometimes all you really need is a break.

2008-10-19T22:49:00.003-04:00

Since the beginning of the semester I have taken 7 exams. 10 tests. and 2 quizzes. Studied more than I've worked. Worked more than I've slept. And slept more than I've seen my friends. The idea of fall break pretty much got me through the last couple weeks, well it kept me sane at the very least.
All I can think about if how much I'm looking forward to having a break from life so that I can get caught up on my life and school work, and friendships.

Best Friend

2008-10-19T22:38:00.000-04:00

I MISS YOU.

A LOT.

END OF STORY.

Peanut butter

2008-10-18T23:12:00.000-04:00

A morning/afternoon outing to find the "perfect summer bridesmaid dress' on a Saturday in October turned out to be a bust. Although it was a very entertaining outing to be sure. I'm suprised that we didn't get asked to leave the store because of our behavior. Even I thought that we were a little obnixous in our critiquing of the dress options we were shown. But the day as a whole wasn't a bust, it was saved with a little help from General Tso's chicken, hair dye, starbucks, and double-poofed hair.
I know that the bride is supposed to 'outshine' her bridal party on the big day, but seriously?!? Some of the things that they call bridesmaid dresses, it's just cruel.
-Did you know that dresses can have not only huge butt bows drawing attention to the rear, but they make ____ bows for the front half.
-Feathers, snow flake pins (excuse me, broaches) bows, flowers, tiers (creating a cake like effect) and various other things are used to create the most interesting designs.
-Tulle is your best friend if you want to ensure that the bridesmaids take up the whole dressing room, limo, aisle and so on.

Veils provide endless amounts of fun. Especially when there are whole rooms devoted to finding the perfect one. And they only cost like half of what your wedding dress does. I'm pretty sure I could make one that looks just as nice.

2008-10-02T00:19:00.002-04:00

Happiness is having cancelled class. It's curling up with a mug of tea, a cozy blanket, and an EKG textbook...(yeah I know, not exactley my first pick either but it has to be read) It's finding a Chinese Laundry tote for $12.00, in place of the $80 s0mething they're asking for it. It's getting to use notes on the exam you didn't/couldn't possibly study enough for. It's fixing (fingers crossed) the leak in my radiator, so that my car stops over heating. Or maybe it's finally getting to talk to/see friends that I haven't seen for a long time.

This week has been and continues to be insane, but underneath all of the crazy is a series of days that continue to be pretty sweet...

:)

How to make friends with a police officer.

2008-09-27T14:11:00.005-04:00

You probably shouldn't life up your dress when leaving a resturant. Even if there are leggings underneath your dress, and you're just trying to adjust it. And if the cop car across the parking lot looks empty...

I swear it's never a dull moment when we hang out! :D

I hate the smell of Vicks.

2008-09-25T01:29:00.002-04:00

It's true, I find the smell of Vicks VapoRub very unappealing. Mainly because I associate it with being sick, but really because the menthol/eucalyptus kinda makes my eyes water. In the grand scheme of things however I've decided that there are worse things in life than my dislike of the slimy, grease like substance otherwise known as Vicks.
I seem to do some of my best thinking late at night when I should be sleeping. I realize that the previous statement is probably hard to believe because I too have read the things that I have posted in the wee hours of the night. :) Seriously though I have some pretty sweet conversations with God and I sort a lot of things out when I'm a little sleep deprived.
Earlier tonight it hit me that I have no idea what the heck I am doing. I'm a 'driven' person, meaning that I know where I'd like to be, and I know what I want to happen to get me there. It's just that I'm still here hanging out exactly where I started in the first place.
What's up with that?!?

Here I am, just sitting and thinking about you.

2008-09-24T22:13:00.007-04:00

Do you ever go back and read your old postings or journal entries just because. No real reason behind it but just to look back and remember. Just to see where you were, or to see how how far you're come. I had one of those moments the other day. I pulled out the journal from freshman year, and then I opened blog entries from sophomore year and I have to admit that it was a rather interesting read. Actually it took a couple hours just to go through most of it. In doing so it brought back memories, (some more fond than others) provided many a laugh, as well as making me stop and think. Here's a short run thru of what I re-discovered/thought about.

If the person I am now passed the person that I was on the sidewalk, they wouldn't recognize each other.

Sometimes it takes mistakes or wrong turns to show you where you're going and where you really should be heading.

Some lessons are learned easier than others.

Honesty is the best policy.

I can't spell, and I've come to accept this (I'm just not okay with it).

Doing things alone on your own terms is rather ineffective.

Sometimes I am an absolute idiot, okay maybe I'm an idiot a lot of the time...

It's been roughly a year since I thought about letting you go. But it's only been a couple months since I actually did.

Trying to find time for having friends, is a little more difficult than I thought it would be. I kinda really hate it.

Being quick to judge someone gets you no where. Perhaps its best if we really do walk in their shoes for awhile.

Awkward situations are my life, so I might as well embrace it.

With God all things are possible. (Cliche I realize but it got me thru this past year)

I slightly abuse my use of these 3 wonderful dots ...

I need to hit my brakes like a taxi that's just been hailed...

2008-09-22T23:10:00.009-04:00

There's just something about the city that I love. It's busy, fast-paced, noisy, exciting, confusing, and a little overwhelming all in one. What's not to love?! Sometimes I feel like my speed is like that of a city. There's a lot going on, it involves many different things, and I'm always on the go. There's little time for errors, and I got caught up in the craziness all too quickly. I just spent a weekend in Chicago and it made me realize a number of things. Not only do I love city life, I could potentially live there. However, just visiting is kinda nice as well. It's so easy to get 'lost' in the chaos of everything going on around you. I pack my schedule full, and I mean very full, so that I've always got something going on, or somewhere that I need to be. And while I like that I'm busy, and I know that if I wasn't I'd go crazy. At the same time, I think that by keeping this up I'm going crazy.

2008-09-17T20:49:00.003-04:00

I've developed quite the relationship with my car this week...

It has problems, and I've tried to fix them (with assistance from my dad, or rather input from him) but have had little luck. However, I'm now a pro at knowing what to do when your car overheats, popping the hood (it's broken so I kinda feel like my hand is getting swallowed while I attempt to find the latch and unhook it) climbing under the car to find leaks, figuring how to tell when it's okay to remove the cover of the radiator, or filling the antifreeze. oh, and telling the difference between antifreeze that is leaking or just water. I've decided that these are all pretty handy skills to have. Especially since my car seemed to overheat everyday...

I should probably tell you some helpful things that I learned because of this.
-they really mean it when they say "Caution: HOT! or contents under pressure... Your engine kinda takes forever to cool down.
-It's impossible to tell that antifreeze is green or blue after it has been chillin on the ground for awhile.
-Looking at the underside of your car is not pleasant. Especially if you look at the grill (I've never seen so many dead bug parts in my life.
-The whole grease smeared on your face thing... not really sure how it happens but its very attractive.

Might as well be strangers...

2008-09-16T23:17:00.011-04:00

I feel like somewhere between here and there I forgot what it means to be a friend. So just work with me while I figure it all out again.

You say DRIVEN like it's a bad thing.

2008-09-14T23:19:00.003-04:00

Is there such a thing as being too driven? Just kidding... I think I knew the answer to that question before I typed it. Perhaps it is better stated 'Am I too driven?' During a recent conversation (okay, a number of recent conversations) I was asked this question. And/or I was told that I come across as a driven person. At first I didn't think much of it. But the more I thought about it, the more I questioned it. Sometimes I think being driven and knowing what you want/where you're going is a good thing. But other times it doesn't seem that way. Maybe, just maybe it hurts you more than it helps you...

2008-09-09T20:45:00.001-04:00

I've gotta give you props for your persistence...

... But I kinda think its time you let me go.

This basically sums up my week.

2008-09-07T17:40:00.000-04:00

Short shorts, freshman, long days, and falling out of chairs. Memories, nicknames, odd jobs, awkward stares. Coffee dates, expensive books, taco bell, and paper cuts. Text messages, hellogoodbye, and laughing til I could cry. A social life, or lack there of, and just maybe a not so secret crush. Favorite friends, Tennesse (the song, not the state), football games, and junior high lipgloss. Bridgett Jones, futons, clearence racks, liquid eyeliner, and speed dating.

Any questions??

2008-09-03T23:38:00.000-04:00

I never had all the answers
I never had enough time
But I sure had all the reasons
Why you weren't what I wanted to find
I never laid all my cards out
You just wanted to play
The king he waited on my doorstep
While the joker and me went on our way
Maybe I was much to selfish
but you're still on my mind.

Not a fan...

2008-08-30T13:36:00.004-04:00

Not a fan of Hurricanes, not a fan at all...

Being from Michigan I put little thought into hurricane's. Sure I hear about them forming, where they're expected to hit and so on. And I say a prayer for people living there but that's it. Out of sight, out of mind. While not this time. Unless you live under a rock, chances are you've heard about Hurricane Gustav this week. It's like the second biggest Hurricane of the 08 season. Currently it's a category 4 storm and it's supposed to hit Louisiana, and hit it hard. I again would normally not think a whole lot about this, however my sister is currently there. Along with her boyfriend, his family, thier home, and their farm and cattle. And while we all go on doing whatever we want, life for them as well as the rest of their town and the surrounding areas has changed. As of 12:30 tomorrow afternoon there are being evacuated from their homes because where they live is going to take a direct hit. Chances are they along with lots of other people that live there are going to lose everything. Their house took a hit during Hurricane Katrina and it's very unlikely that the house can withstand another storm. It's so crazy because I want so badly to be there to help them out somehow but I'm here and they are there. Plus they aren't really letting people fly there at the moment since they are trying to get everyone out of the storm. All I can do is pray, and ask that you will do the same.

I can't even begin to imagine leaving my home knowing that there is a chance that I might not see it again.

2008-08-23T01:54:00.000-04:00

Make me want to run til I find you...